11 November 2012

a question for Eve's daughters

There is this paradox in my brain when it comes to beauty.

One part of me says
You are made to want to be lovely. It is okay to feel pretty, to look in a mirror and think "wow. This outfit really looks good on me today" or "sweet, my skin looks really not-dry and my crazy-curly hair is looking nice today." what about "hey, look- I'm getting abbs! Wow, I can see all those muscles now."

But then there is this other voice...
one that tells me
Don't spend any time looking in the mirror. Don't worry about looking anything but clean and neat. Don't care about it. Anything else is vanity. If you are not careful, you will fall into sin. You are vain when you want to look pretty, vain when you feel that you do. Vanity is a sin.

This argument goes round and round my head,
and confuses me.

Is it wrong to be happy with how you look?

Is it a bad thing to see that you're in much better shape than you've ever been,
and and be pleased?

You should know,
I'm not a girly-girl.
At all.

I don't wear make-up,
don't care much about fashion,
hate shopping.

But I like to feel nice.

A message is sent to many Christan girls that inner beauty is the only thing that matters to God.
Caring about anything else is wrong.
I don't think that it's bad to emphasize inner beauty,
but in this world of women who
cut themselves,
stave themselves,
spend thousands on clothes and make-up,
hours on dressing,
because they see so many 'flaws'?

My heart breaks for them.
They are so beautiful,
and no one tells them.
Or they won't listen.

We are missing something.
I think.

I feel like God tells me I am lovely to Him.
I feel like He's made a point lately to tell me in tons of ways that I am beautiful.
Yes, inside, but specifically lately, outside.

He designed the lilies.
Then He tells me I am worth far more than them.

Why do I feel so vain when I'm happy with something about me?

So many lovely girls struggle with negative self-image,
many I know.

I've worked hard to not dislike my body,
after all- this is exactly how I was created to be.
But I feel guilty when I like it.

Oh, the lies told told to the daughters of Eve.

I'm so confused.
It frustrates me.
Has anyone else felt like this?

At all?




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