05 May 2012

On so much pain

There is so much pain right now.
And I cannot fix it.
Which hurts.
Because I am a fixer.
And one who wants to heal.

But these are huge, gaping wounds.
And I'm coming to them with band-aids.

It begs the questions-

Where are You?
Where, Oh my God, are You in this?
What about your promises not to break us?
Why do You allow all this messy hurt?

So many questions.
The trite little answers, the pat sayings-
they aren't enough. They become more pain.

And so I come to You, my God.

And for a time You are silent,
I want to echo the psalmist, and scream.
"Why are You so far off? Why do You hide Yourself?"

But then you come.

My thoughts...
I don't know.
I am uncomfortable.
I don't know that they are theologically correct.

Maybe suffering is partially to give us a chance to be love.
Love is a sacrifice, after all.

We must act.
Come into the pain,
drink the heavy cup along with those we see.

Maybe it brings us pain.

It's okay.

We are here to serve, and to serve there must be a need.

Perhaps.....pain is what creates a need.
Maybe......Christ would never become real to some if they had not met him in those who were love to them.

And also, I am reminded of Puddleglum the Marshwiggle, and how his pain was what brought him clarity.
It saved his life.

These thoughts,
they help..

I do not know that they completely satisfy,
but it's okay.

God is good.
He has good plans.
He doesn't need to explain them to me.

But oh, how I wish He sometimes would.



No comments:

Post a Comment