On letting go

It was a good chance.

But it will not be the only one.

And I truly wanted to go.

But not this time.

To go to Alaska;
to serve God,
and the people I love.

I wanted it.
I've prayed
thought
wrestled.
Months, now.

But I also gave it all to Him months ago.
His to do what He wished.

I've let go of the chance.
I don't know why we didn't have peace about it.
Maybe I'll never know.
Maybe I'll know later.
Regardless, it's not mine.
It never was.

I am sad.

But after the tears,
there is peace.
And that is what I need.